Anyone who knows anything about guns knows what hollow point bullets are, and those who don’t know anything about guns probably heard them mentioned before on a crime TV show, which is what made me think of the title of this post. But I’m not talking about the bullets found in Tony Soprano’s gun (that’s the reference I was just watching). I’m thinking more about the hollow point I’m feeling in my life right now.

Last year was not a bad year for me. I managed to get some house projects done, a lot of them actually, thanks to a long time friend who has been helping out in that department. I saw friends and family, got a lot of work projects done successfully on the job, and even made a trip out of the country to Jamaica. That was definitely a highlight of 2023 for me.

Alas, in 2024 the party is over and it’s time to pay the tab. My credit card debt has really racked up, as it has for a lot of people as everything just gets more and more expensive. Work has been slow, mainly from it just being another year starting over, and I’m not really happy with life here in Florida at the moment, which has been a recurring theme for far too long.

I was warned a long time ago that I would eventually want to “settle down”. I put that in quotes because I was never really sure what that even meant. I know what people mean by it when they say it. That’s when you’re supposed to slow things down in life, and I guess take it easy in a nice big house with a significant other and family. I just had to change that last sentence from “when you want to slow things down” to “when you’re supposed to slow things down”. Just found that interesting. I’ve never wanted to slow anything down with my usual routine in life, but as I’m getting older I’m understanding why people do it. Slowing down has always just seemed to lead to boredom for me, but you start to lose your drive to move mountains after you’ve been just trying to make it for so long.

I never did have it in mind to start a family, have kids and a white picket fence as the saying goes. I have friends who went that route and still have the family, house and fence intact, even if the location has changed a few times. I also have friends who went that route and decided it wasn’t for them. At my age, I’m also starting to know more people who have had those things and lost them. I never even gave all of that a chance because I knew I liked to roam, to be free and go where I want to go. I still like to be on the road and travel, but now there’s nothing to come back to when I get off the road, other than a house that needs constant attention.

What seemed so clear to me when I moved back into this house isn’t quite so clear any more. I’m still planning on renting out this place again, and I do have a plan in place for what comes next, but I wonder if the next exodus from here is just going to lead to another disappointment, like Dallas was for example. It really does make you ponder what it’s all for sometimes. Keep driving and surviving. It’s all I know to do right now.