You may be wondering about my title on this one. Well, truth is, I wish this blog could just be about all the happiness in my life, places I’ve been, things I’ve done. I do have some of that, and intend on having more, but just since I wrote my last post, to sum it all up, my life has been, well, confusing.

Everyone out there has been through a very confusing year I know. Everything from the pandemic to the election to violence in the streets, it just feels like too much sometimes. I’ve been fortunate to still have a job, have a roof over my head, even if it’s a borrowed roof right now, and still have my health, yes, but just when I thought I had everything under control, at least what I can even have under control right now, I ended this week constantly wondering how I could be so stupid, how I could’ve screwed up like I did.

I’m working remotely, like a lot of people out there. No one knows what’s going to happen in the future, of course, but trying to make decisions lately has just felt next to impossible. What do I base those decisions on? How do I know what moves to make? In reality, none of us know any of these things anyway, but now it just feels even more, what’s the word, uncertain, definitely, but damn, it’s just hard for me to sleep at night these days.

Life just feels like such a clusterfuck. Part of my intent with this blog is to be as candid as possible. I know that writing about the bad times and ill feelings doesn’t make anyone money, unless you’re writing blues songs maybe. Writing for me is a bit like therapy. I get so much going in my head, that the writing helps to clear it out somewhat. I guess you can say it’s like venting on paper, but it’s really more than that. I just had to pause from typing and let out a sigh of relief as I’m writing this post.

So, what can I say after all of that? I know this is going to sound like the number one bullshit answer I can give, but as I’ve been told before, you simply have to keep going. I’m one of those that will shut down when things are looking bleak. But it really is that simple. You just have to keep going. So much has happened all at once, and it’s just hard to manage it all. I know I have to take it one thing at a time, one issue I guess for a better word. Here’s to all of us trying to get through 2020, and hoping for a better 2021.