After moving back in with the parents after moving out of Atlanta, thanks to losing my job there, let’s just say I’m in a sort of limbo I wasn’t quite expecting.
I possibly have a new beginning coming up around the corner that I’m not exactly overly enthusiastic about taking on, when at the same time, I’m telling friends and family that I’m all about exploring this new avenue.
It felt like my life plans dissipated when my job ended after only six months. I was all set to move back into my house, renovate the place, stay there a while, and knowing my nomadic patterns, I would have most likely moved out again and rented it out for more money.
At the same time, I’ve been reflecting on my past. I’ve “roamed the Earth” as a friend told me for a couple of decades, but I wouldn’t say it was completely by choice. It was always the result of me losing my job. Welcome to the wonderful world of working in IT. If I’d had it all to do over again, I would’ve picked something with a bit more stability. Hell, any stability would be nice compared to one day being told, “Well, upper management fucked up again. Pack your shit and leave.” Obviously, that’s not verbatim what I was ever told, but it all boils down to the same old shit sandwich. I had to move out of my house, because my job ended. I moved to Texas and lived a less than spectacular life, because my job ended. I just had to leave Atlanta because… you get the picture. Just to clarify, that pattern has become really fucking annoying.
On the flip side of this coin, friends of mine who have actually led somewhat stable lives compared to mine ended up getting married, in some cases having kids, and now they’re all divorced and dealing with the fallout. Custody battles and fights with the ex-wives (or ex-husband in the case of my sister) over child support in addition to trying to keep their rebuilt lives afloat seem to be permanent fixtures that constantly hang over my friends, and my family, who have lived more “stable, successful” lives in comparison.
A new ending is apparently occurring in my life, and it’s caused me to look back and reflect. Family, friends, success and defeat have all been elements along my path, which feels like a real dead spot at the moment. There are two ways to look at my life situation at this point. I can look at it as one disappointment after another, after losing job after job and having to start over again and again. I can also look at it as experiences that would not have happened had I just stayed in one place and never ventured out to seek new territory. The first option only allows me to commiserate and hate my life. The other allows me to see that more has happened to me in the course of my life as a result of the failures.
This all makes me think about an episode of a Netflix series I watched last night about the making of the movie Back to the Future. The original ideas for the movie had to give way to a plethora of changes due to budget constraints as well as changes in the original acting cast. The result of all of these changes made way for a better movie that was far more successful than the original script would have produced.
So, is my movie going to be better due to the failures and catastrophes that have made up my life up to this point? My initial feeling is yes. It hasn’t been easy to stay motivated. This ending in my life simply has to lead to a new beginning. When the final movie takes come around, I do believe my memories of those earlier takes will be a better story than if I had stayed in my house wondering what happened to the original cast and crew.