brettdavistcb

Time to Change Direction

brettdavistcb — Mon, 03 Mar 2025 05:36:12 +0000

I just read my last post, and I see I’m still in the same dilemma. I was asking AI earlier what to do when nothing is working out for you, and it did give me some good advice. An important point mentioned was to change direction. I think that’s exactly what I need to do.

I was in Key West with a friend last week. This is a friend I have known a long time. He told me he thinks I should rent the house out and move up to Connecticut, where he’s located. I’m thinking it’s a good idea. It’s going to be a pain to get moved out of this house again. Last time I moved out it was living hell. But I rented the place out and that ended up going well for years. I’ve even thought about selling the place at this point, as my house projects have currently been living hell.

A change of venue is going to be a good thing I believe. I keep thinking about the crappy weather in the northeast, which is exactly why my friends like coming down here to Florida this time of year. I braved cold weather before living in Germany, and it was a very profound time in my life. Perhaps good times await on this journey. In this case, I have friends there, who of course have connections to more friends. My friend who told me I should come up is a musician and has musician friends. This is a kind of connection I’ve wanted but just never had before.

As I write this post, I realize this is a new direction I need to take. Get the house projects done, purge my belongings, get the place rented, and head on down the road once again.

The Neverending Project

brettdavistcb — Mon, 03 Feb 2025 04:47:50 +0000

It’s the beginning of February 2025. So far, this year feels like nothing but work. Working my job to scrape by and pay the bills, working on the house so I can rent out a room and not struggle quite so hard to pay the bills, and working on project guitars as a side project/obsession, which takes me from feeling like I’ve accomplished something, to wondering why I screwed up so bad.

I had some real ups and downs last year, and they were some extreme ups and downs, like the roller coaster rides you couldn’t believe you went on but went anyway. I had a girlfriend last year I was really happy with, and she dropped me. I have dated a woman recently, and it’s not working for me, so now I’m going to have to drop her. I’ve been trying to finish up a house project that’s involved putting in some new doors. I thought I was getting it done recently, only to find out I had the wrong damn door, so the project is still ongoing and never ending. I’m working on a guitar that was damaged and needed repairing. I want to fix it up for a friend coming later this week. When I thought I was almost done, more complications have come up.

The theme for this year seems to be work hard and keep working, because it’s never going to end. I went from having a girlfriend and a project friend to having no one. Trying to get the motivation to keep going has been a challenge lately. At the same time, I know I’m the only one who’s going to get the things done I need to get done in order to make life any better.

Sometime today I realized this is another Warrior’s Way situation. For those not familiar with this discipline, it comes from Carlos Castenada who wrote a series of books in the 70s. A warrior accepts his lot for what it’s worth and does the research necessary to excel in the world and be what he or she wants to be. That’s a quick and dirty explanation anyway.

I get the feeling this year can bring rewards if the obstacles are handled. This house is either going to be the death of me, or steer me in a new direction. I’d rather see the latter happen.

Time to Straighten Up

brettdavistcb — Mon, 28 Oct 2024 01:40:19 +0000

I’m alone in my house for the first time in almost two years. A friend of mine that I’ve known since we were four years old has been staying with me. We had an arrangement that he would have a place to stay as long as I’ve got house project work that he can do while staying here. Well, as you’re probably figuring out by now, that arrangement has come to an end. I was hoping to end it on a good note, but it didn’t quite work out that way. It became obvious the only way he was leaving was to kick him out, which I just did the other day.

When I first moved back into my house in 2022, I didn’t have many friends in the area. I recall experiencing isolation, and I can remember it really getting to me on a couple of occasions. My friend needed shelter when a hurricane was on it’s way. That’s becoming way too much a thing in Florida these days. He was staying in a trailer in Ocala at the time, not the safest place to be during a hurricane. I offered for him to stay here since my house is a 50 year old block construction house that is built like a fort.

So my friend showed up with his cat and a carload of his belongings, which was everything he had to his name. After the hurricane blew over (there have been so many in the past couple of years I can’t remember the name of that particular one), he took off and headed back to Ocala. A few weeks later, he called me asking if he could hang out for a couple of weeks. Something didn’t sound right. I had a feeling he had no place to go. I went ahead and said he could stay for a couple of weeks. That was almost two years ago.

Before my friend almost hit the road again, he asked me if he could pay me rent. I had a feeling that was coming. Turned out he had no way of paying me rent, but we got to talking about the house projects I wanted to have done, and he told he could do the work for me and in turn he could stay at the house. The only project I knew to do at the time was restoring my Terrazzo floors. They had been carpeted, and the carpet had been here longer than I had, so it was time to do something different with the floors. That project led to many more over the course of the past two years.

It worked out to be a good thing overall that my friend was able to help me with projects. He’s a decent guy with a good heart, and as long as I’ve known him he’s pretty much the closest thing I have to a brother. But my friend and I have definitely been on a couple of different paths over the years we weren’t in contact with each other. It all started to unravel, and I ended up kicking him out the other day. At first I was just so glad to have him out of my house. I never really had the house to myself the entire time he lived here. He would never go anywhere, just hole up in his room and stare at his computer all day. Although we had an arrangement for him to stay here, I was getting a bit annoyed that he did not to try to make any income, and of course it would’ve been nice to get some help with paying the bills. At the same time, I’ve racked up a lot of debt funding the projects we’ve been doing to justify having him here. The final straw was when he asked me for money to buy a laptop when I had given him the money to buy it earlier, which he used to buy surfboards. When I mentioned that to him, he had the nerve to say I gave him the money for his birthday. It was time for him to go. I put all his things in the driveway and told him it was time for him to move on.

That was last Friday. Over the weekend it’s all been running through my head, what the past two years have been like. I’m just trying now to get it all behind me. I wasn’t really expecting to have been affected by this whole situation as I have been. I was being a little too reckless trying to deal with it, and that almost cost me dearly after a really bad night let’s just say.

It is truly time to turn a new leaf. Hence the title. I need a new path. Time to seek it out.

Now it’s Milton? Seriously?

brettdavistcb — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 04:33:22 +0000

This area wasn’t even over the destruction of Hurricane Helene when another freaking hurricane, Milton, hits us directly on the West Coast. I remember waking up about three days after feeling fortunate that Helene didn’t do any damage just to see something in the news about Hurricane Milton. I didn’t stay for this one. This storm had me seriously worried, not that the one just before it didn’t have me worried. After packing up, getting everything off the floor that I could and shutting down the power, a friend of mine and I headed north.

My original thinking was that I was going to head to my parent’s place in Arkansas and wait it out. We headed straight to Tallahassee area and passed out in a gas station parking lot. The next morning I filled up with gas and headed west to Destin. I stopped in a cafe along the way to join in on my Monday morning team meeting at work. After the meeting, I was texting friends and family to let them know my whereabouts. In a full stroke of luck, a friend of mine just happened to have a friend with a condo in Destin that was going to be available over the next few days. My good friend even payed for my stay. You find out during times like these who your real friends are, and this experience was a shining example.

So we went from fleeing the scene to living the dream in a condo on the water in Destin. Life certainly takes some strange turns at times. Not only that, I ended up reuniting with friends I haven’t seen in about 15 years. I used to come to Ft. Walton Beach/Destin area to see my friends there years ago, and we just sort of drifted apart as a result of our changes in life on both sides.

The storm also caused closer relations with my neighbors here in Largo. We helped my neighbor across the street put plywood on his windows. My neighbor next door needed furniture moved into her garage while her husband was in the hospital. It’s too bad that it took a major hurricane to bring us all together. Seems like bringing us all together should be easier. I’m going to remember that in future years depending on where I’m ending up next in the grand scheme of life.

After the storm had passed, I returned to Largo to assess the situation. I was amazed to see that the house looked as though nothing had happened. There was no flooding, no damage, not even tree limbs piled up in the yard. Power and water had already been restored. The only thing missing was internet, and that came back on just in time to login to work the following Monday. After talking to a neighbor earlier today, I found out that the reason the yard was clear was because my neighbor had cleaned it up before I even made it back home after the storm.

The whole experience feels very surreal to me now. I’m back in my home, and if it wasn’t for the fact I have items all in disarray from getting what I could off the floor in case of flooding, you wouldn’t even know anything had happened. I got very lucky once again. In times like these you have to count your blessings. There are times when you don’t feel so lucky in life, or maybe you are comparing yourself to others who seem to be more successful or more accomplished in some way. A lot of people are ready to leave, not wanting to deal with such a disaster again. The only problem is, life isn’t something you can just run away from or hide from to avoid.

Life is going to come at you whether you like it or not. I’m recalling a saying that says, “Live life as though death is looking over your shoulder.” I remember saying this to a couple of friends while we were out on the town one night, and they told me not to be so morbid. They weren’t understanding the point of what that saying is trying to convey. If you live to life as though your next moment might be your last, you will truly live your life to the fullest. After this whole experience, I am re-evaluating how I shall choose to live my life in the future.

Helene Ain’t Welcome

brettdavistcb — Mon, 30 Sep 2024 03:42:40 +0000

Once again, I am counting my blessings. A major hurricane, Helene, just did a hell of a number on the West Coast of Florida, and then continued on up to the Carolinas and caused lots of mayhem there. My family living in North Carolina is actually in worse shape than I am here in Largo, which has me a bit baffled to be honest. Alas, I am so thankful I was spared this time.

I was on the road for the past month seeing family and friends up and down the East Coast. It was a great run, and I had such a wonderful time seeing everyone. Road trips have definitely become therapeutic for me. As I travel for miles and miles, I think about how things are, what the next steps in life should be, and what solutions are possible. At the same time, it feels healthy to visit my friends and family and see that we are all in some sort of struggle that we’re all trying to work out. At times I feel we all lose sight of that fact when we get too caught up in our daily lives and don’t realize that the struggle is real for everyone.

I mentioned in my last post that I’m planning on renting out a room in my place here as opposed to renting out the entire house and moving out. I’m trying to remember if I had met the significant other I’m with when I wrote that post. Finally meeting someone here and having a relationship that actually seems to be working out for once has been a game changer I have to admit. As I try to look at the positive side, I’m looking at my options before me, and of course I can always change course if or when events change in the future.

After two years of doing major projects on my house, I’m ready to throw in the towel, at least for now. Who am I kidding? It never ends with a house, and definitely not with a sixty year old house. Still, I have to slow down on pouring money into this place and start to recoup expenses. My friend who has been staying here to help me with projects will soon be having to move on, once I can finally stop the steady flow of projects where I need his help. The projects seem to have no end. Right now we’re working on a door projects that has literally taken months, and it’s still ongoing.

With all that being said, those are minor issues compared to what could be going on right now had we taken on any damage from the hurricane. I am very thankful for the good fortune in life I’ve had lately. Meeting someone, having the freedom to travel and see friends and family, and now getting worthwhile improvements done to my house. We really do have to step back and smell the roses on occasion. But Helene, glad you’re gone, and it’s good to know you aren’t coming back.

Why You Have To Go and Make Things So Complicated?

brettdavistcb — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 04:39:23 +0000

Thinking of that song title really has me wondering just that. How did my simple idea get so complicated? I was going to fix up my house, put it up for rent, and live happily ever after. Of course, it hasn’t worked that way. All I can think about anymore is when is the next major project is going to be done, how do I deal with the next disaster, and how in the world am I going to pay for it all?

I had a long conversation with a friend who’s currently living in Alaska. She plans on returning to Florida and needs a place to stay. I was talking to her about possibly being my roommate for a while, and we talked for hours. One simple detail killed the whole thing. It just seems like every time I think there’s a path in sight, everything just gets more complicated, hence my song title. Right when I think the house projects are coming to a close, more issues come up. I was ready to pack up and move out, but now I’m starting to like life a little more here and not too anxious to start all over again.

One factor came up in that long conversation that trumps everything else though – family. In this case, my nephews in particular. My long term plan is to move to the Carolinas once the house is ready to rent out again. I want to look for a rental property where they plan on going to college. While they’re going to school there, that will provide them with a place to live. Once they’re done and out of school, I can just keep renting the place out to students.

The more I think about this while I write, I guess I am just making things more complicated than they need to be. Part of the fact of the matter is that I’m just tired of moving. Thinking of the big picture, what if the Carolinas become my final spot to hang my hat? As much as I’ve moved around, it’s honestly been tough to think of any one place where I want to stay and say I’m never going anywhere else. I don’t think I’ll ever stop traveling as much as I’ve done it so far, but I really am tired of moving all my stuff around from place to place. It’s time to come up with a central hub location, at least for now. So the question is, are things getting more complicated due to complications, or because I’m making it more complicated?

I tend to use long distance driving as therapy. As I drive for miles and miles, the mental gears in my head turn and turn. Then, somewhere along the way, I get a solution. In a few weeks, I’ll be driving from Florida to the Carolinas to Connecticut and back. I’m hoping that next big solution comes up along all the twists and turns on the road I have ahead of me.

Time for a New Chapter

brettdavistcb — Wed, 19 Jun 2024 07:41:24 +0000

Life has felt like a downhill shit show for about the past week now.

It’s been a solid two years last month of house projects. I’m trying to wrap up the final project, changing out a set of sliding glass doors for hurricane impact french doors. They were supposed to be delivered today, but I got a call this morning saying the packaging the doors came in fell apart when they tried to put the doors in the truck to be delivered. Seriously? We’re not talking five dollar items here, and the damn company is stapling the packing together to save money on a package of french doors that cost two thousand dollars.

Just about a week ago, my manager made a negative comment about me during a meeting saying I don’t know how to use PowerPoint. Fucking PowerPoint? Are you kidding me? Right after hearing that, I talk to a woman I’ve been getting to know and she tells she “might” go back to her ex-husband. That all made for a double whammy punch in the gut.

I recently visited family in the Carolinas. It was a wonderful time seeing them all, went to a great concert, and stayed in Myrtle Beach for a few days where I attempted surfing for the first time. That was a hell of lot tougher than I thought.

Coming back here to Florida has been dark days lately, thanks to all the shit rolling downhill since I’ve been back as it tends to do. I’m really feeling it’s time for a new chapter, hence the title of my post. I just want to get this last fucking project done, rent this place out again, and get things going in the right direction again.

I haven’t exactly been looking forward to emptying this place out to start fresh somewhere else again, but on the other hand it feels like all the bad shit is happening for a reason. I’m starting to get some ideas about what to do down the road, but I’ve got to uproot from being here first.

It’s been tough to work through everything lately. I’m finding myself depression sleeping a bit too much lately. I tend to do that when I would rather not face my situation, but I really have to work past that. I do feel things will get better soon. It just felt like I was getting some positive indications of good things happening that turned out to get shot down in flames. Got to keep on going, and get to that next chapter.

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Take a Walk on the Wild Side

brettdavistcb — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 06:45:31 +0000

I’ve been through some interesting but turbulent times lately. According to my horoscope app, I’m dealing with stressful times that are for the purpose of guiding me in a new direction.

I was out the other night, and came to realize I am not a status quo, or average, type of individual, but trying to live life as I am is leading to unhappiness in the way I do live my life. I have an underlying “wild side” that makes life boring for me if I’m just living the same vanilla kind of life as the average individual.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to slam on any one particular way in which people live their lives. Thinking about this makes me wish I could just live a mediocre, status quo life and just be happy about it. But I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s not working.

Women I’ve met typically ask me if I’ve ever been married. I’ll tell them no, and then some of them have asked me, “What happened?” Well, obviously, nothing did that resulted in marriage. The answer I want to give so badly is, “Because I have intelligence”, but I realize, being a guy for as long as I have, that would terminate any and all chances of any dating prospects.

I’ve been in a few relationships that lasted for a few years, which was long enough to get bored with every one of them. Not only do I bore easily, I crave adventure. After having not so great luck in the dating department lately, it has made me wonder, am I damaged goods? Do I just hate the status quo, family, house, white picket fence, lifestyle so much that I just don’t fit into any way the game works any more, or maybe never did in the first place?

It’s time to think and live as the warrior again. I’m sure I’ve mentioned the warrior discipline at some time or another while writing this blog, but all that means is to accept the way life is and systematically look for way to overcome your obstacles. So we’ll see where the path is taking me next. Until then, just figuring out how to appease my wild side.

No Particular Place To Go

brettdavistcb — Mon, 19 Feb 2024 06:42:50 +0000

The main message of my last post is still pretty much the same. All I really know to do right now is to keep going, try to save money, take care of projects at both home and with work. I’m not exactly overjoyed with how my life is going at the moment, but I’m not completely sure what the specifics of my next move need to be.

I still plan on renting out my house eventually, and at this point I could really use the financial help in doing so. Last year I just watched credit card balances go up while renovating my house, and now I’m a bit concerned, make that really concerned, about paying off the debt. At the same time, I’ve had different ideas about where to go, based on different influences. It’s all making me feel very strung out about what my next steps along my path should be.

A friend turned me onto a book the other day titled Conscious Language : The Logos of Now. It talks about the power of language and how it can actually shape your life. I’ve also been taught about things like Neural Linguistic Programming, or NLP, by a good friend and former instructor of mine who would also do his best to teach me about the power of language. I never used to really wholeheartedly believe in that sort of thing, but it’s finally starting to hit home just how powerful your intentions can be. Your intentions, of course, are expressed through language. I mean, it only makes sense right? What you say and do puts out the vibrations into the universe, and if we can truly create the world in which we live, our intentions, expressed through language, would be the basic building blocks of the world we create.

I think of myself as a worldly person, and yet I’ve never really had total faith that all of that works. It’s finally starting to dawn on me that, well, what else is there other than our world created through our actions and intentions? Said more simply, you put yourself in your situation.

On a slightly different note, work has really picked up and taken off since my last post. I was on a bit of a downhill slide earlier in the year with not much going on, but then I got pulled into some emergency duty helping out with a project, and now learning new software. “Training under fire” as we say in the training world, and used to say back in the military days, has been mandatory.

So, I’m doing my work, learning what I need to learn, and going through the motions best I can. Things will happen as they will happen. So what’s coming next, we’ll see.

Hollow Point

brettdavistcb — Wed, 17 Jan 2024 05:24:20 +0000

Anyone who knows anything about guns knows what hollow point bullets are, and those who don’t know anything about guns probably heard them mentioned before on a crime TV show, which is what made me think of the title of this post. But I’m not talking about the bullets found in Tony Soprano’s gun (that’s the reference I was just watching). I’m thinking more about the hollow point I’m feeling in my life right now.

Last year was not a bad year for me. I managed to get some house projects done, a lot of them actually, thanks to a long time friend who has been helping out in that department. I saw friends and family, got a lot of work projects done successfully on the job, and even made a trip out of the country to Jamaica. That was definitely a highlight of 2023 for me.

Alas, in 2024 the party is over and it’s time to pay the tab. My credit card debt has really racked up, as it has for a lot of people as everything just gets more and more expensive. Work has been slow, mainly from it just being another year starting over, and I’m not really happy with life here in Florida at the moment, which has been a recurring theme for far too long.

I was warned a long time ago that I would eventually want to “settle down”. I put that in quotes because I was never really sure what that even meant. I know what people mean by it when they say it. That’s when you’re supposed to slow things down in life, and I guess take it easy in a nice big house with a significant other and family. I just had to change that last sentence from “when you want to slow things down” to “when you’re supposed to slow things down”. Just found that interesting. I’ve never wanted to slow anything down with my usual routine in life, but as I’m getting older I’m understanding why people do it. Slowing down has always just seemed to lead to boredom for me, but you start to lose your drive to move mountains after you’ve been just trying to make it for so long.

I never did have it in mind to start a family, have kids and a white picket fence as the saying goes. I have friends who went that route and still have the family, house and fence intact, even if the location has changed a few times. I also have friends who went that route and decided it wasn’t for them. At my age, I’m also starting to know more people who have had those things and lost them. I never even gave all of that a chance because I knew I liked to roam, to be free and go where I want to go. I still like to be on the road and travel, but now there’s nothing to come back to when I get off the road, other than a house that needs constant attention.

What seemed so clear to me when I moved back into this house isn’t quite so clear any more. I’m still planning on renting out this place again, and I do have a plan in place for what comes next, but I wonder if the next exodus from here is just going to lead to another disappointment, like Dallas was for example. It really does make you ponder what it’s all for sometimes. Keep driving and surviving. It’s all I know to do right now.